The other day I waited for her for 3 hours in Starbucks. Knowing that if I left, she'd show up right after, so I just waited. She had to do costumes, so I gave her time. I promised her I'd wait. During that time I did get some homework done and had gotten to know Aaron better. Anyways, now at 6PM she comes and saves me from Starbucks, where I had been since 2:30, and we walked. We made it 2 blocks before we ran into Ayo, Quinn, and Meghan (?). Ayo automatically drifted to Lydia, Jean automatically drifted to Quinn and Meghan. I had no one to talk with. Yet, no one gave a shit. I tried joining in Lydz and Ayo's conversation- Lydz talked over me. I then drifted to Jean and Quinn's conversation- Quinn talked over me. They were discussing about Monica, and I tried so hard to be a part of this theater discussion, and I failed quite miserably. It was as if I wasn't allowed to be a part of anything theatrical. Fine. As I walked ahead I was frustrated and ashamed for 3 reasons: 1) I have become socially dependent on Jean. 2) I was turned down by my best friend for a boy, although I waited 3 hours. 3) Once you are not a part of theater, you can not be a part of the group.
So the next day I tried to reenter myself into Tech. I decided that I might be a happier person if I do tech again, even though I am slightly conforming. Everyone told me I would be able to travel when doing tech again, which is quite the booster. Virginia said they would make sure I travel. Joanne broke that optimism though, when she indirectly told me I wouldn't be able to travel. I found myself crying in the bathroom over my stupidity, I felt so stupid to think I could just reenter myself into theater. I found myself screaming at Jean about how I don't want to be used and abused anymore, that if I DO something, I get SOMETHING in return. Tech, would not give me what I wanted in return. I also screamed about how I don't want to be a part of the stupid theater group and they could all go to hell, or some bullshit. I don't really remember.
So I'm back to searching for a job, because I am poor and owe $608 to people, and have to deal with college. But the bright side is I got a $34,000 scholarship, and it will be paid $8,500 a year. Also if I visit the campus, they will reimburse me for $200 of it. That's something right?
