And ANOTHER New Song

I realized I haven't actually posted this yet when I meant to.  This is one of my best I think.

Unscripted Me

House lights dim down,
red curtain rises,
audience ready for new surprises.
What story shall we tell tonight?
An abstract Samson and Delilah,
the original Romeo and Juliet.
The story we choose,
the one we create,
will come to life when our gaze meets.

CHORUS:
When the curtain comes down,
will you still call me yours?
Will you turn and go home,
as if we're not one anymore?
I ain't no temptress in a ball gown,
or a juliet on a balcony steep,
I ain't no actress nor a tease,
when I say I love you,
I'm unscripted me.

From a choreographed dance of 50,
to a tea time for 3,
my make up slowly fades,
from the gaze of 1050.
But its the fire in your eyes,
that causes my passion to rise,
as you lean in for the kiss every night,
sweeping the audience off their feet,
I find it difficult to feel
the ground beneath me.
Walking on air was never my specialty.

CHORUS

Lovers who separate on chance,
or lovers who meet on glance.
To my slippers of glass,
to your upright class.
What story shall we tell tonight?
Shall we make the audience cry,
or shall we cause them fright?
The standing ovations,
are just the distractions,
to my true obligations.

CHORUS

I ain't no actress nor a tease.
When I say I love you,
when I say I love you,
I'm simply,

unscripted me.

New Song

Well okay... the song is "sort of" new.  I've had it around for a while, but too lazy to do anything with it.  So here it is...

Can You Hear Me?

Have you heard the news?
have you seen the joy?
we thought we were screwed,
we thought we were just toys.
Thank you they said,
and out with ya.
The high praises
after the clashes and changes,
all they could say was out with ya,
out with ya I say.

Chorus:
I am a person of action,
where I go I carry change,
I carry hope, satisfaction,
I claw through the reactions.
I provide where I am needed,
and once the warmth of spring,
I leave when the birds sing.

Have you heard the birds sing?
have you felt the caged ringing?
No you have not, let me explain.
Birds cannot sing when in pain.
They can cry and scream,
they also sleep and dream.
In peace in peace I teach them to rebel,
I bring them their dreams, awake and real,
more more,
again again,
I feel it.

CHORUS

Can you feel it?
It chills the bones.
It chills my soul.
Chills the very brink of my being.
Can you feel it?
Bursting at the seems.
Thats your song,
thats your song to sing.
Now that my job is complete,
I must go, I must leave.

CHORUS

Can you hear me?

Nice Guys

This rant is probably the most beautiful things I have ever read.  So first, you must read it before I continue on.

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

I have been trying for a good month now to fathom how to write an ode to all the nice guys, and I wish I was lying.  But its the truth.  I have thought time and time again how I have no guy friends this year, and I understand why.  Many of them felt it was time to be jerks, because they wouldn't get laid otherwise.  I guess its true, and I do not have an answer to why.  Also, I have hormones.  I have hooked up with many of my good guy friends, and it saddens me because you now create an air that cannot be taken back.

I wanted to create this post as a follow up to honestly and truly say, I'm sorry.  I am so sorry because I have been that girl.  That hypocritical clueless girl.  I have been the flirt, I have been the girl needing an ego boost, I have been the girl who knows full well that I am treating you badly, and not changing my ways.  I have also been that girl who has dated the wrong guy time and time again.  And why I am truly sorry, is because I am still that girl.  I'm sorry I haven't figured it all out, and I still haven't.

What I loved most about this rant is the undying hope expressed.  I ask to please please please, do not give up on me, I am still learning.  I can't explain why I've done the things I have done, but I can express that you have saved my life time and time again, taking the bullet that sometimes even I have fired.  You are truly a man, a husband, a friend, and a selfless lover.  Do not give up hope, we do grow up.  I will grow up.  And one day, I will be choosing you.

Thank you, for I can't live without you.

Happy Easter!

I wish all of you a Happy Easter- all of those who still read my blog that is.

I just experienced the best Triduum this year.  I will always love the Paulist Center when it comes to services, they always do it right.  I had the honor of helping out in the background for Holy Thursday, but I was able to attend Good Friday and Easter Vigil as an onlooker.

Holy Thursday is the celebrating of Jesus' final feast with his friends.  At the last supper, he washes everyones feet.  As a symbol of community and unity through "intimacy and love" as Father Paul put it, we washed everyone's feet in the chapel.  This meant that everyone had their feet washed, and they washed someone else's.  What I loved was Father Paul's homily, about how we should be creative with how we show our love towards another person.  I don't know why, but his term "creativity" will stick with me for a while, because thats what Jesus used to express his love.  At the end of the service, we went to the basement, were a worship space was created.  And we sang together as a community "Stay with me, remain here with me, watch and pray, watch and pray."  This brought me back to MMA, and it hurt so bad.  I wanted to cry but I couldn't, and I kept telling myself to save it for the Tenebrae Service.

The Tenebrae Service is my favorite every year.  Its at night on Good Friday.  I spent all year waiting for it, wanting to get all my emotions out then.

There was no Tenebrae Service this year.

Oh well... maybe next year.

The Paradoxical Zen

  As I pull out my pen and paper, a hidden excitement dawns in me, something that has laid dormant for so long.  I love writing, its a little passion of mine that I have only picked up recently, but something I do hope to continue.  Then, when I have a pen and blank sheet at my ready, I freeze.  Well, damn, I have nothing to write about.

  But I don't move to put my stuff back.  I sit so still, debating with my own self.  Allowing my thoughts to eat me up whole.  I have so many personal experiences I can get out, that I can describe in vivid, beautiful details.

  I can write about what has broken me this past year, with the layoffs, lack of theater, and failing of classes.

  I can write about my travels, out to CA and back, my cancellation in Chicago, my trip to MN, my road trips.

  I can write about my future, about St. Kate's and the physical therapy program, minoring in Theology and so forth.

  As I spiral in a whirlwind of my past, present, and future of my life, I come to a simple conclusion.  What do people want to hear?  Who will even read it to begin with?  Should I give what I want, or what they want?  Do my experiences get the credit they deserve being voiced by myself, using everyones' eyes' and ears' as a writing tool?

  Probably not.  Maybe I won't do them justice.  Maybe I have never done justice by writing them to begin with.  So lets back track to square one.

  I love writing.  Let's hope I can do that justice.

  I must retract myself from my mind eventually, its only so long until someone worries.  I come back to my pen and blank sheet.  Smiling, I gently pack up my materials.

"Maybe Tomorrow."

A Belated Update On My Life

It's been a couple of weeks since I last updated.  There is a lot to cover I guess.

My Valentine's Day was amazing!  I got in the mail 4 cards and a mix CD from Adam.  The cards were filled inside and out from him writing so much.  It was the sweetest thing, and I felt so bad I didn't do anything for him.  But he does plan to visit on the 26th-31st.... in two weeks I think?  Roughly?  We are cleaning away here trying to be ready for that.

I'm so glad our CRLS Theater group moved on to Semi Finals!  Me and Michael did the sweetest thing for them.  We made 48 goody bags for the entire cast, and put a rose in each one, delivering it to their room at Pre-lims.  And their show was fantastic!  Semi's are this weekend in Andover, and Ipswich will be joining us.  I'm ecstatic because I know a lot of them, and because I get to see Riley again.  Riley is the stage manager there, and I met him last year at Semi's.  We still chit chat and talk, and it will be great to see him once again.

I also recently teched for our Dance Show on backstage left headset.  We came to the conclusion that our dance company does NOT get enough credit for what they deserve.  And I hope many of them continue dance in the future.

Senioritis

Senioritis is getting the best of me.  Today, to avoid not turning in a project I just slept.  A lot.  And instead went to Starbucks to read.

Today, I meant to finish that project.  I slept already, and got myself up to do the project.

I am seriously bored to tears, I am falling asleep at the computer.

I am just going to not turn it in tomorrow morning and hopefully start it early enough tomorrow and just email it to her saying my printer is broken, which is stretching the truth.

I just hope this doesn't worsen like it did in Modern World History last semester where I actually failed.

It has also come to my attention that scholarships for my school are due Wednesday at 3pm.  Well... crap on a stick.  I'm just going to go sleep and rest up for tomorrows haul.

Conflict

After much inner conflict I have decided.  It's not that I am having a problem with what I want, its acquiring what I want.  One thing is clear: I want him.  Second thing I want: to not make a wrong move.  But seriously, if he wants me, if YOU want me, come get me.  I won't know unless you take initiative.

When talking to Sam I had hit another conclusion about myself.  About why I don't want to take initiative anymore.  If I ask you out, or kiss you, I don't want you to like me because you are appreciated by someone.  I want you to go out with me or kiss me because you actually want me for who I am.  Is it really too much to ask?

Jean messaged me saying she has "information."  Basically meaning, she talked to Eric.  Oh yay, moment of truth: is Becky off her rocker?

Maybe I'm just picky.  I've been hurt, I know that.  I just don't want to be hurt again.  Maybe I am just not ready.

I feel bad because I never meant to make Adam second in my life.  I don't want to waste what we have, and by no means make him second.  But at the same time I am in need of contact.  I can't have Adam right now, because he is 3000 miles away.  It makes it difficult when I need someone to hold my hand or hold me tight to take away my burdens.

But as I said, I'm right here.  Come get me if you want me.  You have 58 school days left.

Random Poem

It can drive a man insane,

dreaming of days without pain.

It's not a matter of wrong or right,

love or fight,

desire for flight.

It's a matter of an end in sight,

to dream of life,

faith in "might."

A man must follow his heart,

not his mind.

But what do you do,

when your heart can't tell time?

What I Want

It's been a while since I last updated, but its been one hectic week.  I'm excited for vacation, that officially begins after school on Friday the 13th, irony that hits us in the face basically.  Also ironic is our school celebrating Valentine's Day on Friday the 13th, so its all sorts of funno.

For the first time, ever in the history of knowing Eric, we hung out.  We sat by the river and talked, playing a massive game of Never Have I Ever.  We also ate, and walked and hung out in the park.  It was nice, I got to see a side of Eric that I felt I have missed before.  Mostly because I never took the time out of my schedule to care.  It was nice to get some closure on many curious topics, such as him and Ivy when they dated.  It was seriously hard for me, I found myself falling for him like I did back freshman year.  "It's funny how physical distance can change a relationship," as he put it.  He's right.  Ever since Ivy got to him first, with asking him out, I distanced us because it was painful.  For two years, he was removed from my life.  Over time I got over it.

I regret that.  I wish I had the guts to ask him out freshman year, or the guts to even kiss him or just get close to him when hanging out with him on Saturday.  I keep having this feeling that its too late, that maybe I should let what happened, or didn't happen, between us die.  But at the same time, I feel like he's trying to revive what we had.  I'm torn.  I am completely torn... and I get the same vibe from him, that he is torn too.

There was a time in my life where I walked miles to see him.  Not to sound stalkerish.  I remember freshman year he invited me to a recital of his, and he thought I wouldn't show.  I was poor, didn't know how to get there.  I walked 3 miles to attend it, and 3 miles to get home.  And yet, I still didn't have the guts to act on my emotions.

There is a part of me that wants to tell him its not too late, but there's another part that wants me to remember that I don't want to be the initiative.  I have ALWAYS been the initiative in all my relationships and hook-ups.  I want to be surprised, swept off my feet for once, even if I deny them.

I'm hitting a point where I don't know what I want anymore, and it scares me.

There Will Be Time

I'd write more posts, but my hands are cramping major.  "Why are your hands cramping?"  Simple.  I have been writing a lot of letters, handwritten, to friends whom are seniors.  "Why are you writing letters?"

Thats more complicated.

I had realized how close graduation was.  So I took the time to count how many school days (not weekends or vacations) until our final exams, until our graduation date.  We have 63 days left.  As a joke I also counted how many Mondays we have left, being that we always complain how much Mondays suck.  We only have 15.

Holy. Shit.

I am so scared, I have so many friendships with people that have come and gone throughout the years.  In the hallways I see people whom I have grown accustom to, whom I have known since kindergarten, middle school, or just this year.  Some I haven't even gotten the chance to know.

I have taken a variety of classes, from CP to AP levels, from classes more centered on freshmen to more centered on seniors, to arts to academics to extroverted to introverted.  Because of the variety, I have met so many different people.  Most of them I shy away from in the hallways now.

I have always told myself (or others have said to me,) "There will be time to hang out.  We will make time next weekend.  We'll go when the weather is better.  I had a sudden appointment, but we will keep in touch, promise."  I tell you now, there is no more time.  We are out of time.  Have you ever taken the time out of your day to tell someone close to you how much you love them and appreciate them?  "When is the right time," you ask?  Well I ask you, is there a wrong time?  You have had weeks, months, years, to tell them.  Now you only have 63 days.  You are limited.  Most of my graduating class I will never see again after they walk that stage.  Some of them might have been close friends.  So to everyone I have met, thank you, for helping me be the person I am today.  Whether I have known you for years, or for a few days.  You took time out of your day to let me be a part of it, and that is more than I have done for others.

This is why I have been writing letters, because it's time.  The time is now.

If you do not receive a letter do not be offended.  These are difficult to write, and I'm trying to get to everyone.  But that doesn't me I can reach everyone.  The days are going by fast, and my hands can't keep up.  Just because you don't receive one, it doesn't mean I love you.  Because I do.

And so I hope I can tell you all, as a sending out, the following quote.  To our future.

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough.  On occasion, some may be correct.  But do no do their work for them.  Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal.  Don't take it personally when they say "no"- they might not be smart enough to say "yes."

How are you going to spend this time?

Repetitive Days...

I'm stuck in the lab again pretending to work. We have a sub which is all good I guess. I also forgot my phone this morning, and need to get to a Doctor's App... somewhere in MGH area. So if I'm not around all day/night? I'm wandering the streets of Boston. Just FYI. I'll probably head home first, right afterschool to grab my phone. But the more I think about it, the less of a good idea it becomes.

Virginia keeps suggesting I apply for a job at Goodwill in Davis. So I'll probably do that, organizing all the junk in the back. They say they really need staff for weekends. Thats extremely convenient because I can work the most on weekends and I can walk there from my house. I hope to grab that app sometime in my near future. It's difficult because whenever I have time to, its most likely closed. They close early, 6pm on weekdays, 7pm on weekends. Probaby so they can organize all the junk in the back for the next day.

I miss earning money, it was so relaxing to have a place to be other than school or home. I also owe money to peeps, so I need to get that down ASAP. ($608 doesn't just disappear off your name so easily.)

It's interesting how my life is run solely on school at the moment. Before, my life was "Homework time before 2nd period, homework time before 3rd period, FOOD/more homework time, APUSH, theater theater theater theater sleep, maybe food." That was an example of my day basically. Now my life is "Coffee, notes, homeroom/homework, chill, chill, food, dance, home, sleep, wake up, eat, sleep." Do you know how much I miss my old schedule? My life is so dull, theres nothing going on anymore. I want more excitement =/

Day Dreaming My Life Away

I usually nap when I get home, its always been my sleeping pattern.  Come home, sleep, get up and do stuff, sleep again.  Thats what happened today.  I came home, went to bed at 4, woke up at 10, and will probably go back to sleep after this post.  Yesterday was a disaster plan.  I decided to try and nap at roughly 6pm.  I never slept.  I instead rolled around day dreaming.

All I could think about was how my Valentines Day is going to be so hard for me to cope with.  Valentine's Day has always been one of my favorite holidays, and even though I never had a Valentine, I always found the best in it.  It's even my confirmation name.

The problem is that I am madly in love with someone, in California.  He is 3,000 miles away.  For the first time I have a lover I want to spend my V Day with, and I physically can't.

I spent that whole time in bed dreaming up vivid possibilities (that are actually theoretically impossible) of how I can go to California some how, some way, to spend V Day with Adam.  My thoughts then streamed into how Adam can come here, or how he will surprise me on my door step.  I know this won't happen.  Yet my mind continued to torture me with the "What if."

I only laid down for an hour, because I felt sick.  I was so frustrated and anxious to just come back to reality, I wanted to scream.  I texted Adam on and off, and he said "Watch the mailbox, both digital and literal."  I wish I could appreciate that more.  I wasn't happy, just disappointed.  And I shouldn't be.  It is so sweet that he is thinking of me for V Day.  But I much rather watch the door than the mailbox.

When talking to Adam later that night/morning (we hung up at around 2:30AM) I told him my dreams in detail, all the way up to "watching the door."  After much silence, he spoke hesitantly, "Did I tell you how I tried to work out a plan, to surprise you on Valentine's Day?"

Not at all.  He never mentioned an idea like this once.  He continued to tell me how for the past month he was doing all the money calculations, and conversing with Jean, and looking at his school syllabuses and looking at his own schedule to come up with a plan to be here on V Day.  The only problem?  He doesn't have the money to do it.

I feel terrible for saying/thinking this.  "Why don't you borrow it from a friend or family member?  They know you will have a job soon."  This is EXACTLY why I am in debt in the first place.  Reid was so kind to let me borrow money from him, and he knew I had a job so it wouldn't be long to pay him back.  Now I am jobless and in debt to him.

I understand I am setting myself up for disappointment.  But I can either fight my day dreaming, or just go along with it.

I will be watching the door this Valentine's Day.

Zinch.com!

Hey so I recently signed up for Zinch.com, which is close to Facebook in format.  What you do is you fill out your profile as much as you can, and colleges then review your profiles.  Also with your profile, the website decides whether you qualify for:

Sweet-diggity-dawg Scholarship ~ $20,000

Ammunition for Tuition Scholarship ~ $25,000

2010 Scholarship ~ $2,000

2011 Scholarship ~ $2,000

And other great scholarships through colleges.

I ask you to sign up because:

1) This is a brilliant site.

2) Scholarship Opportunities.

3) Colleges get a chance to look at what you have to say more than what you have done.

4) I recieve MONEY for every time someone signs up and fills out a profile more than 30%.

PLEASE anyone join this site, I need the money as many of you know.  Also, its a great site!

http://www.zinch.com/Anonymous/StudentRegister.aspx?affid=579663

^^I receive money if you use that link.^^

Thanks!  I hope you take up the opportunity to do this!  I highly suggest you do this if you are also a junior in highschool, but seniors is good too.

PS It's a great procrastination tool.

High School Drawback

I am getting the worst case of senioritis. I have yet to do one piece of homework at home, and I have perfect 100s in all my classes up to date. This saddens me quite honestly.

Right now I am supposed to be studying about African Sleeping Sickness. Something I have never heard of. For a project that is due next Thursday. I currently have Wikipedia open behind this window. We have all the class time to research, for the next week. This project, reminds me of freshman year. This is supposed to be a hard class. What bullshit. The teacher treats us like children, and doesn't challenge us. We give her obvious hints that we are not learning anything, that we are not being challenged, and she completely misses it. If she tried to motivate me then I might be more excited.

I also have to take French 2, which is mostly sophomores and freshmen. I do the homework right before class, it is so easy. The phrase "bored to tears" has never been more exact in describing my feelings towards this class. For the freshman and sophomores, its probably difficult. I really don't know. But for my level of understanding, its boring as all hell.

Its difficult to concentrate, but Adv. Dance & Choreography is hard to keep focus in. It's extremely fun and relaxing to get my creativity out, but I'm also impatient because I have dance ideas I want to start!! It's also difficult for me to grasp that this is a class I will be graded for because she treats it like an extracurricular activity.

The only class I have taken seriously thus far, is Exercise Physiology. Want to know why? Ms. Augustine treats us like adults. And I'm glad. I am actually learning something in her class, although the textbook is written for juniors and seniors in college. She is the only teacher preparing me for college at this point, and I'm glad I have a teacher like her at this point in my life. She motivates us to read the text, and to take notes, at our own will. But her grading system is very heavy on the tests, so we must participate so when we study we aren't hurting ourselves more than we need to.

I wish we had more teachers that treated us like adults. Some teachers try and keep us as kids, because they feel we "aren't ready to grow up yet." (Ms. Miceli.) Some teachers treat us like kids because sometimes we act like some. What they don't understand is we will not be adults until you treat us as adults. Tell us what you expect from us not as students, but as students who will enter the real world momentarily. I see my teachers more than anyone else in my life some weeks, they are my example. Please please please, treat us as adults, and we might just be closer to being prepared, than our senioritis would allow us.

On a side note, we should of had school off yesterday. I have never walked through worst weather in my life. My boots are broken, the bottom of one just sort of fell off. And so I was up to my ankles in freezing water, in my own boots. I lost feeling in them to a point where I couldn't walk, as I was also trying to balance on ice, while fighting wind, and rain, and hail, and snow. It was a shit day. We also should have had school off today because the ice was terrifying. My mom offered me a ride today, and she never offers me a ride ever. So my highschool sucks. End.

Couple of the Year Award

If anyone goes to CRLS, I think we can all agree that Sydney Blaxill and Paris Ellsworth make the most adorable couple ever. Seeing them together makes girls cringe in jealousy, and guys look away in shame. Everyone dreams of this type of relationship at an early age. They have been dating for only... 2 months now? Maybe 3? They are not only adorable, but they are both extremely talented, extremely gorgeous, and extremely loving people. They are the teenagers that go about life problemless (in your mind anyway.) I'm sure they do have problems, but this isn't what I'm writing about.

As I have said the last two blog posts, I am spending my time in In House Suspension. It just so happens that Paris is spending it with me. After lunch, Sydney snuck in to give Paris homework. I also feel guilty for staring, because they always are so happy to see each other. You know how couples glow? In each others' presence? Thats them in a nutshell. So Sydney recites the homework, never leaving Paris' gaze, and then switches into Paris' needs. "Can I grab you anything? I feel bad that you're here... I have free time. Honestly, I'll get you something." Paris of course, was doing the humble "No, thanks" answer. Eventually Sydney leaves, with no response from Paris.

She later comes by, hanging out the hallway waiting for Paris to turn around. She had went and got Paris a large chocolate chip cookie, and an expensive one at that. It was the sweetest thing honestly. Everyone in this room was definitely jealous. I know I was.

This reminds me of another time these two had an adorable incident. When the Dance Works performance had ended, and all the dancers were changing and trickling upstairs to mingle with their audience. I found Sydney to tell her about her exquisite dance skills (which she does have!!!) and she appeared quite distant. I didn't realize I was keeping her from finding Paris. Feeling kind of bad I kept a look out, but he found her first. He came from behind and said "Theres my star." It sounds so so so cheesy in text, and probably would too if I recited the story to you. But because of how happy he was, and how serious he meant it, not hint of disbelief or doubt in his voice, it was heart warming. I felt loved. I could feel it off of them. As they beamed as usual. Of course, this was the first time I saw them kiss... and I felt like a little girl again, waiting for my dreams to come true.

And also, just now, I realized Paris is still wearing his necklace that Sydney gave him. Its a shell on a string. Kind of a reminder to him of the musical and of Sydney... thats cute =)

So even though we are only in January, they win the Couple of the Year Award in my book. Couples like them make me overly jealous, and faithful in love. =D

Faith Destroying Teachers

What. The Fuck. I was sitting here about to do a different blog post, but thought I'd post that later because it can wait. As I was sitting here on the computer typing away, trying to entertain myself, this teacher walked in to give a quiz to Rebecca.

Rebecca, is a patient, sweet student. She can be a bitch if she needs to be, but very understanding of everyone, and she would be the last person to talk trash.

Rebecca is asking the teacher for help, and it caught my attention when the teacher blatently turned away, giving Rebecca the silent treatment.

"Wait... how do I find (blank) if it doesn't tell me (blank)?" The teacher rudely turned around and said "Well, why don't you wait and look at the directions." This blog cannot convey how spiteful that response was. Everyone turned around. To see how Rebecca would respond. She was caught of guard, as anyone would, and was ready to fight back. Instead, she took a breath, and read the instructions. As she did the teacher was reciting the instructions as if Rebecca couldn't read. When Rebecca looked up, she was confused, but went back in to read it again.

This teacher is nuts. As Rebecca was rereading, the teacher started shaking her head and said "You're stupid. If you can't get it by now you are damn stupid. What are you going to do in college? You ain't gonna get any help. Just stupid."

We all were ready to rash her. I was ready to rash her.

She better get out of my school, because there is no room for that sort of disrespect from authority. Not on my watch, bitch.

In-House Suspension

THIS SUCKS ASS.

I'm here at the computer right now, and I am the only senior in the room. So Filo has respect for me to some degree. I guess this helps because I can now work on scholarships for this week instead of stressing over the homework. Or I can still procrastinate by writing in this blog.

HM.

In other news I'm wicked excited for Valentine's Day because I know what I'm doing for Jean... even though she is busy doing stuff for Cody. I got her a card and plan to steal more Dove chocolates, stick it in a vase with a single rose! It's gonna be brilliant I tell ya. I kind of wish someone would do something mildly romantic for me one day. But that's okay, I got time.

This is rather difficult to write because Filo keeps standing over my shoulder, so I'll finish this up later. Bring on the scholarships!

Why so much hate?

http://www.dailynewstribune.com/state/x716057381/Controversial-Westboro-Baptist-Church-plans-Mass-protests.  This, is gonna happen at my school.

I don't understand.  Why would a church of God, of trying to love like Jesus, be so full of hate?  God made all of us.  You are hating God's creations too.  I took the liberty to look up the text from Romans, Chapter One.  It is what's used as reference in the Bible as to why "God hates fags."

"Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.  They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator- who is forever praised. Amen.  Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts.  Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another.  Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the dull penalty for their perversion."  (Romans 1: 24-27)

Lines 24 and 25 are centering at how a group of people forgot God.  Forgot to praise him, and love him as the Creator, and took life for granted.  Forgetting that in exchange for their gifts, they must reproduce.  God allowed them to follow their "evil" selves, by following their lusts.  That.  Is the sin.  The sin with being Gay is that it is "only lust."  This is the problem.  What if you were madly in love with someone of the same sex?   Personally, that is not a sin, because you are taking a hold of the love granted to us by God.  The Bible always uses extreme circumstances to make a point.  Always, in order to prove a moral.  In order to provide a true example of lust and forgetfulness of mankind when dealing with reproduction, homosexuality proved to be the best example.

Who is to say you cannot praise God and be in love with someone who is of the same sex?  Again.  Forgetting to praise God for everything is the number one sin.

"Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."  (Romans 1:32)

This is by no means a relation to homosexuality.  This is in relation to rejecting God.  You can reject God by taking him/her/it for granted, and for following only after lust.  This group of people that are homosexual, in the Bible, were considered every disgusting thing imaginable, for disregarding God.  This does not make them evil, vicious, or cruel.  This is a group of people whom are homosexual to prove a point: life isn't about lust, its about love.  Homosexuality, does not change that.

For You Aaron

I typed "Funny Cat Picture" into google.  This is my result.  This is for you Aaron.