I was never one of those kids.
I guess you can call me a realist- I wanted to be a teacher. I never looked up at the night sky whispering, "One day..." I never cared about it. I've read stories and talked to many who said, "It makes me feel small, and connected with the rest of the world, knowing there is so much out there." I never had this feeling. Wherever I was I could look up and point out 2 stars, maybe 5 if I was lucky. It scared me, knowing that there wasn't much out there, and if anything I felt more disconnected with the world knowing I can't see the things they can.
The first time I saw the "real" Night sky was when I was on my 8th grade feel trip coming back from New York. I looked up and couldn't count them. I could make out the big dipper, and spy the North Star. I was taken aback that maybe I was wrong, and I started weeping to myself as the rest of the bus slept. I can be a part of the world. The next times I encountered these moments was on my roadtrips to colleges, to Minnesota, to Pennsylvania, and visiting in California. Only on a few nights. I just remember in Ohio, seeing how the highway met the sky, and the stars were a dome surrounding it. I have never seen it "dome" like this except in a Planetarium. It was utterly beautiful.
I bring all this up because of when I saw the night sky driving home Wednesday night with my mom. It was 1AM, and we just finished up work. I'd look up and there were no stars because the moon was too bright. But you could see every detail, every line, of the massive cloud in front of it. I was up against the glass of the window; it looked like I was underwater looking at the waters surface. I heard myself think,
I prayed that I could be younger again, just so I could get the experience of dreaming big. As if I missed out. But really? I haven't missed out at all. I had a different way to find it. I just had to catch up to it, and it had to catch up to me.